All right, all the men on this campus listen up, because do I have some news for you. You better listen — I am about to let you all in on some huge secrets. Behold this list of things you think women like, but in reality, really hate.

1 Don’t text us if you have nothing to say. We would rather you not text us than text us crap. For example, “getting lunch now”….OK cool? Wtf am I sup­posed to do with a text like that: “nice, me too”? Only text us if you want a text conversation or something sweet like “can’t stop thinking about you.”

2 We do not like it when you are overly nice. It just comes across as not genuine and it then makes us question every­thing. Be real with us; if you’re having a bad day, let it out. And sometimes, let me em­phasize sometimes, we even like it when you’re slightly rude or jerky. Being too nice is just no fun and dull.

3 When we make out at the bar with you it does not equal a relationship, not now or in the future. I don’t know how much simpler I can make that one.

4 The morning after a one-night stand, you’re trying to be Mr. nice guy — cuddle and give us a good-bye kiss or an ass-out, awkward hug because your guilt has kicked in and maybe in some sense you feel as though you took advantage of us. Well, we willingly decided to hook up with you, too, and we know it’s just a one-night thing. So just put your pants on and leave, please.

5 Hey guys, good news. We can pay for stuff, too! Do not act so macho that you pay for everything. A lot of women work and want an equal cut in a rela­tionship in every sense. This is not the ‘50s, we can occasionally buy dinner or the movie or even both! Being a college student is hard and usually means you’re not rolling in the dough, so let your girlfriend pay every once in a while and put your ego and your money in your wallet for the night.

6 Like this Monday’s “He said, She said,” women need space and many on this campus are independent. We love you (or at least like you), but do not need to be with you 24/7, nor do we want to. Give us space! I’m sure you want guy time or alone time, too.

7 Please do not be overly sensitive. To a point, it’s cute and sweet, but when you are crying in our arms, that’s where we draw the line. We want a man here, not a man-child! So find your balls and use them.

8 What is with guys and obsessing with being “FB official”? It’s freaky! Stop it! Why do we have to list it? Is taking our single status off not enough for you guys or what? Anyone who knows us or cares about us will know we are in a relationship, and any­one who asks, we will tell them we’re taken! So settle down, OK?!

9 Really jealous guys are creepy and such a turn off, but so are the opposite. Never getting jealous is odd and just not natural. It’s nice when a guy gets a little jealous. Bad examples: “I do not want you talk­ing to boys ever!” Or, “I hooked up with some­one else…” “Oh, that’s cool.” Good examples: “Who was that guy you were walking with… Your other boyfriend? Just kidding.”This shows us you’re interested and a little jealous when other men hit on us.

10 Long distance is rough some­times, and people feel the need when they are away from one another to over-compensate with long obnoxious phone calls. Once again, we like or love you, but we have things to do! It would be better to have two half-hour phone calls a day than one hour-long one. And do not feel as though we have to talk all the time because we are apart.

11 This one is huge and is some­thing each and every relation­ship is based on: trust. We would rather have you tell the truth to us than lie to protect our feelings or to spare them or yourself. If you cheated or made up ru­mors about us, or even had a simple lie, like I went to the movies with friends, or I have a lot of homework, when in reality you stayed in and chilled alone, we hate that. Just be open, upfront and honest with us and we will be much more understanding, because in the long run, lying will always bite you in the ass.

12 Do not let us get away with too much, like murder! Women push to find boundaries and if there are none, we will run all over you. Lay down the law, and do not be afraid to call us out when needed. Like “Hey you were kind of a snot to that girl,” or “You are not being very nice today.” Nicely put us in line when need be; if you really care for us you will.

13 Romance. So important! But only nice if done correctly and if it’s genuine. Buying roses every week is not special. When least expected, it’s super romantic. Gifts and fancy dates when done too often can be too much and not romantic. Surprise us, and we might just surprise you back.

So what have we learned here today? Well, women are a lot more like men than you thought, huh? Please keep this in mind next time any of these instances come up. Good luck fellas, and hope this helps.