Well, I’ve finally caught some flak for what I’ve written (took ya long enough, Drake University). As disappointing as a premature ejaculation, your reactions to my column and subsequent lack of sexual questions have brought me to figurative tears.

What I’m trying to say is that my column about men taking over their love life did not impress some people on campus. All I have to say is that you can’t please everyone. So, ladies, my challenge to you is to take control of your love life in some way, shape or form. I was not leaving you out by any means.

This is not the main topic of this column, though. This column will explore the vast abyss of why some women make noises during sex and perhaps even figure out why they do so. So, get out your best moans, ladies and gentlemen, and let’s take a ride on the wild side.

There has yet to be conclusive studies (or perhaps any) about this topic, but I’m sure many of you have experienced those nights inside your residence hall when there is that oh-so-familiar noise. You know what I’m talking about — lofted beds creaking, awkward shushes and, of course, the one noise that always fills the hallway…The “OH, YES” yell that will come from a partner at one point in the relationship (if it doesn’t happen, you might be doing it wrong).

What researchers believe (remember, no conclusive data) is that women will make noise to (hopefully) enhance the experience of their partner, thus “calling” them to climax, and then end the endeavor (why would you ever want to do that?). I’m a little skeptical of this fact because really, it should be the other way around; we should be receiving the most pleasure (Hollywood movies would beg to differ, though).

Let’s be real for a second. Sometimes, we just can’t help it. The myriad of sounds you make depends on the situation. If you were lucky enough to get a seat at the “Vagina Monologues” over the weekend, you know what I’m talking about. There is no one standard moan or scream or yell…or, well, orgasm. You cannot base your experience of sex off of what your friends do because your friends do not do the same people you do (or shouldn’t at least).

There cannot be any rhyme or reason for what we do when we have sex because it’s all for our pleasure. And, well, pleasure makes us do some weird things (love also makes us do weird things, but pleasure and love are not the same thing).

But somewhere along your sexually active years, you’re going to run into someone who is quiet during sex. There is nothing wrong with that. Like I said, there is no norm when it comes to how loud or quiet someone is during sex.

What’s interesting is that there is no science behind the screams. There is no evidence that conclusively links the yells of pleasure to anything other than, well, pleasure.

So, Bulldogs, when you’re getting your moan on this weekend, remember to let it out (or keep it in if you’re a bit timid). Also, send your thoughts, comments, sexual concerns or questions my way. I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again, not even the weirdest of kinks can scare me away. I’m all in.