Hoe is the TD’s anonymous sex columnist. She is a student here at Drake and can be reached at [email protected]

Can I be real here for a few moments?

College kids love talking about sex, but a lot of them don’t understand how to go about talking about this certain scandalous topic. That is why I am here. Ask me whatever you want.

With this semester almost over and with me just starting this column, it’s a little bit different. I was going to discuss the pitfalls of “falling in love” at college during the first couple of months, but now, the first couple of months are over, and you’ve all probably experienced all of these at one point in time (if not, just wait next semester until Relays. It will happen).

Anyway, here’s what I would have said to ya’ll months ago:

First-years, you’re going to be tempted to date that hot boy that sits next to you in your FYS, but don’t do it. “Floorcest” is a big no-no during your college experience.

There are a few couples that haven’t had the experience blow up in their faces, but more often than not, dating someone on your floor ends badly. Explore outside of your own residence hall. I’ve heard many horror stories of girls hooking up with guys from their FYS classes and then totally ruining the floor dynamic in many ways. The relationships tend to be shallower than a kiddie pool, and it just makes everyone awkward when they know who is making those moaning noises two doors down. It also makes doing group presentations a whole lot more interesting when you know what their orgasms sound like.

“Dormcest,” on the other hand, is less frowned upon, but still has the same problems as “floorcest.” Let’s just avoid those at all possible costs. Seriously, freshman year is hard enough. Adding in walks of shame in your own damn residence hall is just not cool (on the plus side, winter season walks of shame aren’t as bad that way).

First-years, take it from someone with more experience — don’t do it. Don’t get into a relationship unless you know you are ready for it. I’ve been there. I know how you’re feeling. You’re away from your parents. You’re exploring new places (possibly new people), and it’s an amazing feeling. So, before you dive in too deep, think about what you’re really doing. Is this boy or girl you’re about to get down and dirty with really someone you want to be associated with? Is this person a good kisser?

I dated a guy for a few weeks back when I was freshman, and well…it didn’t last long. He was not what I would consider to be a good lover, and everyone still says, “Hey, didn’t you date such-and-such?”

Yeah. I did. He wasn’t very “gifted,” if you know what I mean. It’s OK. I broke it off for a reason, and now I’d like to forget about it — but I never get to hear the end of it because I was a stupid freshman who didn’t think before she let a guy get intimate with her.

There’s going to be a lot of questions that come up as you enter into the world of sexually active adulthood. It’s a freeing feeling knowing that your parents aren’t looking over your shoulder every time you bring over a potential significant other.

But, you have to factor in a few things. Let’s get the basics down:

1) If you going to bring someone over for the night, let your roommate know. It’s just common courtesy. Seriously. Don’t just show up, get down and not tell your roomie that something is happening. It’s a lot easier to help her find a place to stay than to have that conversation about what she just walked in on.

2) Be safe. Don’t go bare. Or have some form of backup in case the condom breaks. It’s just safer that way. No one wants to end her college career early because she got pregnant after a night at Peggy’s. Most forms of birth control are affordable, and there’s always Planned Parenthood.

3) Think about it. Just don’t jump into it. I’ve had many guys and gals tell me horror stories about how they lost their virginity. More than one of my friends regrets a drunken hook-up. Yes, alcohol can get rid of some of your inhibitions, but that shouldn’t equal you taking your pants off for whatever Joe Blow you find at Dublin.

4) What is right for your friends isn’t always right for you. Just because “everyone” is doing it doesn’t mean you have to. When the time is right, the time is right.

Now, I’m not going to get preachy here, but seriously just do what is right for you. I’m here to discuss sex in an open manner because trust me — it’s on everyone’s mind. So ladies and gentlemen, send in your thoughts and questions, and you just might be lucky enough to get answers.