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The Times-Delphic

The Student News Site of Drake University

The Times-Delphic

Rally to Restore Sanity

Have you wondered why it is necessary to hold a rally to restore sanity and fear?

More than 150,000 people filled the National Mall of Washington D.C., which according the MythBusters is approximately 20 million pounds of meat, to attend the rally put on by Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. This was a rally for people who are too busy to attend rallies, a rally not so much for the silent majority, but the busy majority. A rally to restore sanity and/or fear.

Among the thousands of people in attendance were Ozzy Osbourne, R2-D2, Usher, Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow, Tony Bennett and a 7-year-old girl.

As Stewart, the keynote speaker, took the podium, Colbert interrupted, asking to be empodiumed. The two then started their debate, Stewart taking the side of sanity and Colbert taking the side of fear.

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“There are so many things for Americans to be afraid of,” Colbert said.

“Like what?” Stewart asked.

“Muslims,” Colbert said.

“Muslims didn’t attack us,” Stewart pointed out. “A few people that happen to be Muslim attacked us.”

“Your reasonableness is poisoning my fear,” Colbert said.

Colbert brought up multiple problems with the world in his video montages. These problems included, but were not limited to, diseases, the end of the world, children being brainwashed, gay penguins, flip-flops and killer bees.

“You can do nothing to defeat my video montage,” Colbert said to Stewart.

“Well, actually, I brought my hotel TV remote with me,” Stewart said.

“So?” Colbert said.

“It’s a device used to turn off the TV or simply turn the channel,” Stewart said.

In response to that, Colbert showed a video montage of how there is E. coli all over the remote and therefore Stewart is dead. Peter Pan then made a guest appearance and had the crowd chant “Will this help?” Stewart had his doubts, but the crowd succeeded in killing Colbert because “The American people are chanting as one!”

“It was interesting,” said Jenny Vanderploeg, a sophomore who watched the rally. “I didn’t know what it was about, but I’m glad I watched it.”

Even through their funny jokes and entertainment, Stewart reminded us of an excellent point.

“We get things done every damn day,” he said. “People work together to get through the Holland Tunnel — you go, I’ll go, you go, I’ll go — no matter their differences.”

The metaphor was perfect. No matter if the person in one car was a Democrat, and the person merging was a Republican, it doesn’t matter. People still let each other in. And sure, Stewart pointed out, there’s the jerk that zooms down the shoulder, but those people are few. As much as times are tough, we, as Americans are still working together.

“Sanity will always be, and has always been, in the eye of the beholder,” Stewart said.

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