Recently, as I stroll through life, I’ve received fewer smiles and fewer friendly waves from acquaintances. These are such simple gestures, but they mean a lot. These things used to turn my day around. I felt seen and like I fit into this community when someone I didn’t often talk with took less than five seconds to say hello as we passed like ships in the night. Is this to much to expect? No one technically owes me a smile or respect, but it would go a long way towards warming my heart in this cold world. 

Is friendly acknowledgment a lost art of the past? Honestly, people seem too interested into their phones and themselves nowadays. I am not saying I am above this or that it is not somewhat understandable; it is just sad. We must ask what this is doing to society and what this means in the bigger picture. 

This simple acknowledgment and other social norms lost in the abyss of the past are directly correlated with the “you don’t owe anyone anything” mindset. This mindset filled my feed for the longest time. Every video was someone giving someone else this advice. For a while, it was empowering. It allowed me to finally understand it was okay to say no, which I genuinely believe is the intended purpose of this motto. 

However, the more and more videos I watched, I began to feel it was being overused. Some scenarios I heard this expression in just didn’t make sense to me. They seemed more like a way to justify a person’s rude behavior than ‘protecting ones peace.’ I realized that this moto of putting ones self first had became a way to be dismissive of other people’s feelings and an excuse to be selfish. 

I thought to myself that their is enough selflessness in this world, I don’t need to add to that problem and if my feelings are valid then so are everybodys elses. It didn’t make sense to be so focused on myself anymore, to be so wrapped up in excusing myself that I didn’t take the time out of my day to be kind, empathetic and considerate, so I suddenly flipped the script in my head. I started to believe that I owe people everything. I owe them kindness, respect, aid during hard times and encouragement during celebratory times. 

I will start with a simple example that I always hear: “You don’t owe anyone an explanation!” This can justify anything from randomly canceling on someone to altogether dropping them as a friend on a dime. Imagine being on the other side of that. Imagine wondering why someone no longer wants to hang out with you or what you did wrong. 

I may sound dramatic, but in reality, all I am saying is that you owe people a conversation. A conversation won’t magically fix anything, but it is the respectful thing to do. It promotes honesty, another thing I believe you owe people. It will also stop people from creating their own twisted versions of reality and reasonings that are probably worse than reality. 

Also, this phenomenon is funny because we all quickly list what others owe us. From a list of payments down to the cent to a list of favors, we want what we are owed returned. 

We are keeping score. 

However, we must expect from others what we expect from ourselves. If you feel like you don’t owe anyone anything, they don’t owe it to you, which is why doing things for people without expecting anything in return is essential for friendships and other relationships to be sustainable. 

We’re all just human, flawed and selfish as we are. The humanity that unites us all is why we owe each other kindness and a friendly smile. 

I was talking with a friend about customer service employees and how their interactions have gotten weirder and less pleasant in recent years. She said something I found so profound, “I don’t think the employees owe me a smile and their helpfulness because it is their job. I think they owe it to me because we are both humans.” 

That is what my argument boils down to. Just be good to your fellow human beings. Don’t dismiss the power of kindness because the world says you don’t owe it to anyone. If we want to stop this epidemic of selfishness, then we must look out for one another. We must regain our sense of community and hold ourselves accountable for the kindness we owe each other.  

I am not hopeless, though. I’ve noticed as many kind acts in this world as selfish ones, so I do believe we all care about each other. I challenge you to step up for people. Owe people your best self. At its core, is that not just basic human decency? And at our core, is that not what we all want to receive?

 You don’t have to agree that we owe it to anyone, but I hope you understand that kindness is the right path.