Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Yes, we know you both relate to and are in love with Louisa from “Encanto”, but there are actual strong men and women on campus to compete, so like, maybe ask a few to give you their number? I know you think you have to be the strong one all the time, but you and I both know that you like to be the little spoon as a strong person cuddles you to sleep. Watch out for birds this week, they’ll be your enemy.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Taurus, I know you’re on that grind. I appreciate the effort, but lighten up; go celebrate in some way. You deserve to enjoy something during your college experience. Break the pattern of class, Hubbell, dorm, sleep and go enjoy life – and Relays. I don’t foresee anything bad happening if you leave your dorm this week, but if you stay in, I see your blinds not working.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
What are you really doing this week, Geminis? You’ve told everyone a different story — Relays when you’re going to classes, downtown when you’re staying close to campus, and more. Is this because you like to remain mysterious, or is it because you’re afraid to let anyone in? Try making plans you’ll actually commit to this week. Watch out for any event that occurs between 11 and 1, I see unlucky events occurring at those times.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Yes, Cancer, we know that all the athletes winning the races and all the athletes losing the races are tear-inducing, but if you cry at every event we’re never gonna fully enjoy the festivities. If you’re feeling alone, maybe leave your room and go to an event. Dress cute, throw some paint, pound some lemonade and enjoy this week. School work is forever, Relays are temporary.
Leo (July 23 – Aug. 22)
Unless you’re one of the athletes, this week is NOT about you, dear Leos. You can’t control the Relays schedule or who wins the races, but you CAN bet money on who’s gonna win (EDIT I have been made aware that you actually cannot bet money on who wins, The Times-Delphic does not endorse illegal sports betting). One place I can see you being able to steal the show is West End, but do so responsibly. I can see you falling for someone who’s already committed to a relationship this week, beware of your own green-eyed monster.
Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22)
Let loose this week! We know you’re Captain No-Fun, but you can still enjoy Relays. I know that you’re not a fan of running, but you’re the one watching the running, not actually doing it. I see you forgetting the Relays even exist this week, so go ahead and put it on your Google calendar right now.
Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22)
To go to Relays, or to go to class? That is the question. You’ve been weighing whether or not to skip for weeks, so let me make this easy for you: If you’ve missed two or more classes this semester, go to Relays. If you haven’t missed a class at all, go to Relays. This Relays is special because it’s everyone’s first or last regular Relays, so go ahead and enjoy it. Just be honest when you do inevitably skip; I foresee a lie being found out this week.
Scorpio (Oct. 23 – November 21)
Hello my little Scorpios, there are a lot of beautiful strangers in town. For fun, you should keep a little card of how many people you flirt with this week. The highest scoring Scorpio gets bragging rights as the most in-tune with their zodiac sign. If you feel like you should be doing something (or someone), trust your intuition. I have a feeling that you’ll miss turning in an assignment this week, so stay on top of your schoolwork.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21)
Sagittarians, you’ve been in the Relays spirit(s) since your professor canceled class for them. You’re free, so why are you only going to Peggy’s and West End? Get out there, try another bar, and try to get something done academically this week. I don’t recommend showing up to the races drunk, but hey, I’m not your mother, and I’m also a fellow Sagittarius; I know how we think. Be wary of the time; it’ll fly away from you this week. Maybe actually wear your watch, and if you find yourself being walked home by a handsome stranger, ask if they want to spend the night.
Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19)
For my overachieving Capricorns, you don’t have to go to EVERY Relays event. It’s like going for a bingo, not a blackout. Speaking of blacking out, go enjoy the Peggy’s Tent! I’m sure at least one of your professors canceled class, so go ahead and book it for a hangover. Watch your step at Relays, I foresee you ruining your favorite pair of shoes.
Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18)
Yes, Aquarians, it is in fact Relays week! You can put down the book and attend one (count it, one) event to show your Drake spirit. We know you can hear the Peggy’s Tent and see some of the Relays events from the Science Connector Building, but it’s one thing to exist in close proximity to the Relays; it’s another to actually go and enjoy it. Use this time as an excuse to get a little messy, turn in an assignment late, and live it up a little.
Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20)
Take a break from manipulating Tinder dates to manipulate someone at a race! Just kidding (unless you’re my ex … you know who you are). Pisces, either you’re all over this Relays or you’re over it, and I can’t tell. No one can ever tell if you choose to remain closed off like this. I know your animal is a fish, but there’s more to Drake than the reflection pool. Have fun, allow yourself to smile and enjoy relays. Beware the bathrooms this week—you might run into an ex on the way there. I’ll be waiting outside of one.