An unrestful summer full of work, reflection and anticipation all followed me as I returned to Drake’s campus. 

I ran through the wrongs of my first semester, imagining the ways to right them. I replayed conversations and thought about my decisions, constantly contemplating whether or not they were for the best. I found myself thinking about the new first-year class and how their bright-eyed selves would run through the inevitable tribulations of their first year at college. 

Sophomore year was looking at me with eager but daunting eyes. 

My return to campus for sophomore year was one that I could not have mentally prepared enough for. 

For the first week, I felt like I was back in my first year, with unfamiliar hallways, adjustment to new roommates and a schedule that demanded more attention and time than I could give it. I was fortunate enough to move in earlier than most others, which gave me a few days to contemplate the pragmatism of the life I had imagined for my upcoming year. Full of resolution and new promises, I dove head first into [sorority] recruitment and classes, unprepared for the reality check I would receive. 

As trivial as it may seem, it was really affecting me how far away the C-store was from Goodwin-Kirk. As a Herriot Hall alum, I recall Hubbell and the C-store being just a stone’s throw away. But the trek across the Olmsted Center, around the twisty sidewalk of Hubbell, descending into a long stretch of rock, didn’t seem worth it just to purchase some chips and juice. 

I walked around Hubbell and saw far fewer familiar faces and found myself trying to draw similarities between the first-year class from my sophomore class. I’d point to a freshman and think, “This is going to be the new ____ of Drake.” It was my desperate attempt at finding a semblance of familiarity, trying to fit people into the character archetypes I had mentally assigned to people in my class when I was a freshman.

I’d see faces from last year, friendships that fizzled out or drama that had once stood so proud – all seemed to dissipate into irrelevance. My reputation was now a clean slate, but at the expense of having to rebuild the plotline of the year ahead of me.

Within these grievances, I found the ability to bask in the freedom of no longer feeling like everything was so consequential. I felt stronger than I did before about who my real friends were, what my priorities were and the role I played at Drake. I focused less on my quantity of friends and more on those who I knew had my genuine best interests at heart, and I found solace in that. 

I now know what organizations I want to devote my time to. I have more academic and social opportunities that I’d like to explore. The year before me as a whole feels less experimental and more attuned to the idea that I am in college, and therefore I am in charge of how I exercise that. 

Returning to campus for my sophomore year was not at all how I’d imagined it. I spent the summer thinking of people I wanted to befriend, ways I was going to be more involved and the habits I needed to develop in order to achieve that. 

Now that I’m here, I can’t say that I’ve lived up to the expectations I set over the summer. However, I also realized that I cannot script my life at Drake, and I cannot expect my imagination to become a reality without allowing myself to actually experience college for what it is. College is a fluid and ever-changing experience, enriched with life lessons and opportunities I have yet to scratch the surface of. I believe that in due time, I will be able to achieve all the goals I had set for myself. I’m slowly learning that I need to approach college with patience and gratitude, and that I must find value in my life as it unfolds.