My self-declared beige flag is that I flirt with my female friends more than my boyfriend in public. He is perfectly okay with that, and that’s one of the reasons I like him. My female friendships are super important to me. They’ve been a constant in the sometimes turbulent experience of life.
I believe in soulmates, but my soulmate is not my romantic partner. My soulmate is the person who lets me cry on their shoulder about a boy, the first person I text when exciting things happen and the person who sends me 18 Instagram Reels while I’m in class. My soulmate is a woman, and she is my best friend.
My best friend and I met the summer before fifth grade at a theater camp and again at Girl Scout camp later that summer. We maintained a long-distance (four miles) friendship until our elementary schools merged into the same middle school. We’ve been inseparable ever since.
She was the first person I called when I had my first visit to the principal’s office. She’s celebrated every birthday with me since I turned 12, even when a FaceTime call was all we could manage now that we live 312 miles away. She and I have heard about every crush we’ve had since middle school, and now we are incredibly happy that we have each found a man who makes us happy.
There is nobody in my life like my best friend. Best friends are there for the highs and lows.
Female friendships are incredibly vital to our society. Women need other women they can be vulnerable with. (So do men, but I’m here to talk about female besties.) My female friendships contribute to my mental health because I don’t have to bottle up bad emotions. I have a “council” of female friends who will cheer me on but also listen and offer advice when I need it, as well as the occasional tongue-in-cheek offer to bury a body but all in good fun.
Each of my best female friends have different interests that complement my many interests. When I want to nerd out, I text one friend. When I need my “therapist friend,” I text another. When I want to rant about how I’m in love with Reneé Rapp (because, frankly, who isn’t? And if you’re not, you should be), I text a third friend. The variety of beautiful friendships I am blessed with is something I am grateful for everyday.
My female friends have been there when I needed them most. I once had a serious allergic reaction from something I ate at Hubbell Dining Hall. My Goodwin-Kirk roommates jumped into action, retrieved my Epi-Pen and stayed with me until the paramedics arrived. They saved my life.
My female friends were the ones most excited for me to return to campus after a long holiday break, the ones who cheer the loudest at my voice recitals and the ones who will be honorary aunts to my children one day.
At times, female friendships feel challenged by stereotypes or jealousy, but the right friendships don’t live up to those stereotypes. Good female friendships live up to the Meredith and Cristina standards. They include secrets that nobody else knows and sleepovers in college and after.
On this Valentine’s Day, if you don’t have a Valentine, don’t sweat it! Find those female friends who make you feel loved beyond words and spend the day with them. Treat yourself to dinner, open a bottle of wine (if you’re allowed) and flick on a movie. Then, raise a toast to female friendships because they make the world go round.
