Woah, hey. That’s a pretty bold statement up there. I’m sure most will read this and say “It’s because you don’t get any matches” and move on with their life. While that’s only a small part of why I’m over Tinder, my hatred for the dating app runs deeper than most think.
First, what is Tinder? The answer is quite simple. It is a dating app that functions like a card stack. Your profile, or “card” is shown to other people in your area, where they can see all the pictures and information you’ve included about yourself and decide to swipe right if they like you or left if they don’t, only to then show the next card underneath you and start the process over. They also have the option to “super like” you for a guarantee that their card will be shown to you immediately. If both people looking through the stack swipe right on each other, it’s a match, and then the option of messaging becomes available. Gifs and text messages can be exchanged between the parties, and they can chat it up until they decide to either A: unmatch, or B: meet up in real life. Sounds like a good time, right? Here’s where it can get messy.
Ninety-eight percent of the time, the first message is “Hey,” or a really cheesy pickup line. There is rarely anything in common between the two matches and starting up conversations is always awkward as all hell. As a previous Tinder user, all I did was judge the book by its cover, and I’m sure I wasn’t alone. If he wasn’t decently attractive, it would be a hard left. If he had a weird pic? Left. If he wore camo in his picture? Left. If there was a child? Left. If he liked the Bears? Left. Shirtless pic? Left. If there was another woman in his pictures? LEFT. Most of the time, I wouldn’t even take the time to read his bio. When you’re looking for a partner, whether it’s romantically or just sexually, you should have a connection and take the time to learn the other person’s story. There really isn’t a way to do that by immediate looks, 25 words, and four pictures of them. It has created a mindset for most that online dating is just a game to see who will send you pictures of what and who will have sex with you where.
The next message, and the worst one to see after you think you’ve connected with someone in a conversation, is “what are you trying to get out of Tinder?” In my experience, the response that follows is “I’m just trying to F**k around, I’m not looking for anything serious right now.” UGH. HIT ME WITH A BAT. I, personally, would like to know if these “men” will EVER be looking for anything more than a quick “roll in the hay.” Most of the time, I reply with a snappy “use your hand for that” and an unmatch, but it gets tiring for me and many others who are on Tinder for something more when we see at least five of these messages a day. When you’re looking for someone to connect with, keep in mind that they are human, and consider that they may want more than you do.
Additionally, my hatred of Tinder comes from a place of relying on it. With the pandemic, I haven’t been out and about to freely fall in love with a handsome Fabio of my own in a Hallmark cookie cutter fashion. I’ve been on this stupid app because being sat next to a handsome lab partner doesn’t happen on zoom.
“Accidently” dropping all of my sheet music in front of the cute saxophone player doesn’t happen when I’m scared to play in a band. Going to a random party, getting a little too sloshed and dancing on a table for the bad boy to get me out of there doesn’t happen when parties are on hold. Because of the pandemic, I’m stuck in Tinder limbo, reaching for a “Great Gatsby” green light of my own. A meaningful relationship with a supportive partner. I’m ending this opinion piece with the same words that fill most Tinder bios: I’m deleting this once COVID’s over. Also, I’m 6’17, because that matters.