Spooky and kooky: you mook, thee must love horror movies
GOBLINS. GREMLINS. MIDTERM GRADES. But only one of these is truly hair-raising. Horror movies: diabolical dreck or extolled as cinema elect? One writer is afraid with alacrity, and you should be, too. graphic BY Meghan Holloran | photo editor
You ask if there is an essence to these low budget films. An artistry to being scared? An unconventional mastery to this piece of media? An —? For every year on the month of All Hallows, we witness the awakening to a year-long slumber of slashers. Are you not afraid? Do you refuse to indulge and experience that of scream queens, banal plots and copious amounts of blood? Mayhaps to you this idea is mediocre.
To that I say you seem foolish. What if I told you that the blood of raunchy teens is wine to be appreciated through the experience and NOT the taste? Screeches are an operatic majesty, and these written tales of tortures and treacheries only transcend time forgotten during this time of year. I REFUSE to deny these movies the virtue they’ve instilled for decades, and will continue to do so that the children of their children will be watching them on the day of Halloween.
There will be no other media during which you find your significant other inside your arms clinging to your safety. Those writers who find comfort in the paranormal and insanity would much rather paint monsters that leisurely snuff out life than experience that of mundane. There is skill to shooting shivers down your spine and chills coalescing throughout the mind and body.
Why must you be so critical? Yes, I can see the costume has a zipper in the back, I can see the strings on the ghosts and OF COURSE nobody would hide in that spot from a serial killer. Yet if it is you who points out every mistake Pablo Picasso made or every spelling mistake Fyodor Dostoevsky wrote, you have an imagination dryer than drought and a melancholic mind. I invite you to join our masquerade of monsters and distinguished devilries in a dance derived from the media you don’t appreciate. Your ignorance is that of your nose being large enough to block your own eyes from seeing.
Intrigued? I recommend you indulge in that of unending killers that appear on Friday the 13th, sleep light as a feather as to not have a Nightmare when you rest on Elm Street, keep your wits when you find yourself at the hand of the Jigsaw killer, don’t Scream when you come face to face with Ghostface, conjure up all your courage for the Conjuring and keep your doors locked on Halloween.
THUS, as the month of October falls upon us like the colored leaves falling from trees, I declare: This is the time of year to carve pumpkins, wear a spooky or silly costume, eat a whole bag of candy, trick or treat and, of course, watch a plethora of horror movies.
With all my Haunts,
The Reno Valentino