Calling all cads: your dating game is bad (but here’s how you can fix it)

In my brief time as a female in college, I have picked up on several patterns in the ways straight men like to flirt.

Sometimes — usually at night when I’m amidst my third conversation about my major, or a gaggle of bros are trying to convince me they are all named Bob — I wonder if all men were given some handbook called “HOW TO FLIRT” upon arriving at college.

I then wonder if that handbook was written by a chimp tripping on magic mushrooms.

It’s not that their common techniques are wholly ineffective, it’s just that there are SO many more enjoyable ways most people like to be flirted with.

So if you’re a guy worried that you could be among these cute, yet clueless boys, fret not. I certainly don’t speak for all straight women, but I am here to give you some overarching flirting DOs and DON’Ts that will put you one step above your competition of Chads and Brads out there.

(Disclaimer — I apologize that this article is more centered on stories for straight men to help them pick up straight women, as those are the only experiences I can speak to. However, I think many of these tips apply to anyone trying to flirt with anyone… and if not, feel free to at least get a chuckle out of this article.)

Let’s dive in. First off, if you are flirting with a girl in a social setting…

TIP #1 — DON’T ASK ABOUT A GIRL’S MAJOR, CLASSES  OR PROFESSORS. 

I know, I know — asking a girl about her major is an easy go-to option. Every girl in college has a major! Plus, the back and forth of “What’s your major? Oh, nice. Mine? Business. Haha, yes business,” guarantees you at LEAST two minutes of solid conversation! Right?

Meh. 

The problem with this method of flirting is, EVERYONE does it— a girl has likely talked about her classes with multiple other potentials. More personally, if I am out trying to have a good time, talking about homework with some rando is the last thing I want to be doing and I will be finding every possible avenue to get out of the conversation.

Basically, if “What are your classes like?” is your one opening play, you likely won’t be getting added back on Snapchat. Which leads me to my next tip: If you’d like to ask a girl a question… 

TIP #2 — DO TAKE THE TIME TO THINK OF SOMETHING SPECIFIC ABOUT THAT PERSON TO ASK ABOUT.

For those of you who have never seen me before, I have a scar on my face that goes through my right eyebrow. It isn’t super noticeable, and if you are looking at me from far away, it kind of just looks like a failed attempt at one of those trendy eyebrow slit things.

To this day, one of my favorite ways a man has flirted with me is by coming up to me, pointing at my scar, and saying, “Ouch, sick scar. What’s the story there?”

This was simple but effective for a few reasons. Firstly, I could tell that he clearly thought about what he was going to say to me for longer than five seconds, as he would’ve had to look at me long enough to notice my scar.

Secondly, his question allowed me to talk about something unique that I don’t talk about often, which gave way to actual decent conversation where we exchanged anecdotes with some actual substance. Which made me much more likely to go out on a date with him when he asked a few days later.

Although no romance ended up blossoming between us (he is still a good friend, no worries), I’ll always remember our dates as charming and fun. THAT is the way you want a girl to feel about you!

But… what happens if the girl doesn’t have any facial abnormalities to ask about?! 

Find something else to ask her about! Her haircut. Her rings. Her necklace. Her nail polish. But WHATEVER you do…

TIP #3 — DO NOT GO ON ABOUT HOW “HOT” OR “SEXY” SHE IS.

This may be controversial… but to me, when all a guy can think of to say to me is “Wow it’s just, honestly you’re super hot… Sorry I don’t even know what to say right now you’re just so hot…” 

Eew. Meh.

Any guy can make comments about a woman’s body, especially guys that are only looking for a hookup. So if you are looking to signal to a girl that you want more than that, you’re gonna have to do better than repeatedly calling her hot.

Don’t get me wrong, compliments are good! But if you’re going to compliment a girl…

TIP #4 — DO GIVE HER A COMPLIMENT THAT NO CHAD HAS EVER GIVEN HER BEFORE.

This article is all about taking your flirting game from “just OK” to “GREAT,” right? If you are going to compliment someone, you want it to be something they will still be thinking about when the night is over. 

Something no other Chad has been thoughtful enough to say.

Don’t use words like hot, sexy, etc. Be a little more emotional! Use words like beautiful, sparkly, gorgeous, charming, etc.

Furthermore, don’t focus so much on complimenting her body, her ass, etc. Compliment her laugh, her eyes, her smile, her outfit, her nails, her accessories – something she spent time on to make happen. 

Maybe even go back to Tip #2 and turn a basic compliment into a question; that will not only allow her to feel flattered by your comment but also tell you more about herself.

I am unfortunately running out of room for more in-depth advice… So I’ll end with a speed round of DON’Ts to avoid if you want to be safe!

TIP #5 — DON’T play that game where you and your buddies tell girls you have different names. 

“No, no, I swear! I am Brad and HE is Chad! Huehuehuehue” No. Stop that. Be better.

TIP #6 — DON’T touch complete strangers or drink from their drink.

Some 16-year-old on TikTok may have told you that girls like it if you touch the small of their back when you lean in to talk to them or when you steal a sip of their drink…but please don’t do any of that to a girl you just met. Coming from a stranger, it is more just creepy.

TIP #7 — DON’T snap or talk about other girls when you’re trying to flirt with someone for the first time.

This seems obvious, but you’d be surprised. We expect that you may have other girls you are trying things out with at the moment, but if we can’t even hold your attention for the first 10 minutes we know you, you’re getting written off.

At the end of the day, this article is just the opinion of one straight girl… so feel free to ignore me and do whatever you want. But keep in mind, I just want to see you succeed.

Good luck, soldier.