STORY BY DANIEL LUKE HAMMER
We’ve all had to use various bathrooms around Drake University, but sometimes it’s difficult to remember which ones are worth the visit and which ones should be avoided.
Listed below are the results of a semi-thorough investigation of Drake’s best and worst restrooms.
Next time you get the urge to go, remember that you too can experience Drake’s best in a building near you. Clearly not all restrooms are equal here at Drake. Some are fantasy lands of porcelain and stall walls, while others need some serious work done. Hopefully this report will help you make quality choices when choosing your lavatory.
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Rating: 1.5
CARNEGIE HALL
Excretory Experience:It’s a small, uncomfortable and incredibly an awkward unisex room.
Aesthetics: Old and lousy.
Notes: Has a lock despite having both a urinal and a stall. An odd setup.
JEWETT HALL
Excretory Experience:It’s nice enough, but no where near good.
Aesthetics: I too like to have stalls and showers facing each other at an intimate distance.
Notes: One of the most awkward bathrooms on campus.
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Rating: 2
BELL CENTER
Excretory Experience: Adding the bathroom to the locker room must have been an afterthought.
Aesthetics: It’s spacious, but falling apart. This is a sad bathroom. I don’t trust the sink.
Notes: A lousy place to do your business.
HARVEY INGHAM HALL
Excretory Experience: Utterly basic stalls.
Aesthetics: Oh so spacious.
Notes: Nothing to enjoy here.
MEDBURY HALL
Excretory Experience: Rather disappointing. Not bad, but not even close to its full potential.
Aesthetics: Terrible layout, but a decent feel otherwise.
Notes: Needs to be remodeled.
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Rating: 2.5
COWLES LIBRARY
Excretory Experience: Odd layout for stalls and urinals. Not the most pleasurable experience.
Aesthetics: Odd layout, large mirrors and cool shelving.
Notes: Needs to be remodeled.
FINE ARTS CENTER
Excretory Experience: Good enough, but better experiences can be had in other buildings.
Aesthetics: As old as the building. Nothing inspiring. Lousy sinks.
Notes: Definitely not a go-to bathroom. Save your time for better locations.
MEREDITH HALL
Excretory Experience: For guys, the urinals need to save room for Jesus. Otherwise, a very average (but often busy) experience.
Aesthetics: Plain and basic. A little outdated.
Notes: I recommend waiting a little and going over to Olmsted for a good time. Use Meredith in a pinch.
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Rating: 3
ALIBER HALL
Excretory Experience: Older toilets. A sub-par stall.
Aesthetics: Older restrooms that are very ‘90s.
Notes: Decent campus bathrooms that could use a splash of renovations.
CARTWRIGHT HALL
Excretory Experience: Dark, but strangely consoling stalls.
Aesthetics: Elegant flooring, dark atmosphere and lackluster appliances.
Notes: A quieting experience.
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Rating: 3.5
FIRST YEAR HALLS
Excretory Experience: Depends on who used the John before you.
Notes: Constantly busy, but so convenient. Just make sure to flush (please).
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Rating: 4
GOODWIN-KIRK
Excretory Experience: These are the VIP stalls due to their length. Extra space equals better excretory experience.
Aesthetics: The bubble windows are strange and not fully tinted.
Notes: Not all GK bathrooms are equal. Some are rumored to be of less quality and have a poor resident-to-shower ratio.
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Rating: 4.5
HUBBELL DINING HALL
Excretory Experience: Incredible stalls and amenities that are scarcely used and combine utility with luxury.
Aesthetics: Sparkling clean, bright and fresh.
Notes: Just don’t use the toilet inside the main dining hall itself.
HOWARD HALL
Excretory Experience: Women: a “dungeon-esque” bathroom facility. Men/Family: astounding. Only one stall, but it is a palace.
Aesthetics: Women: Meh. Men/Family: though small and featuring few toilets/urinals, it’s true bliss
Notes: There’s a strange lack of restrooms in Howard and total inequality in bathroom pizzazz.
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Rating: 5
COLE HALL
Excretory Experience: Clean, comfy and sanitary. An excellent bathroom to spend some free time in.
Aesthetics: Complete with windows. Need I say more?
Notes: One of the best bathroom experiences at Drake.
OLMSTED CENTER
Excretory Experience: A very positive vibe in the stalls. Urinals are also on point.
Aesthetics: Spacious and inviting. Great lighting enhances the ambiance.
Notes: Always clean, seldom busy and free condoms.
OLIN HALL
Excretory Experience: Fancy and uplifting. A soulful experience.
Aesthetics: Nothing extraordinary, but everything is perfect.
Notes: Can’t go wrong with using these restrooms.
CLINE HALL
Excretory Experience: Delightful. Absolutely delightful.
Aesthetics: Flawless.
Notes: The red is such a nice touch.
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What do you think? Do you agree or disagree with these ratings? What is your favorite bathroom on campus? Let us know why by tweeting us @TimesDelphic and using #DrakeBathrooms.
*Disclaimer: the toliet paper is not two-ply
