Jared Netley is a sophomore pre-pharmacy major and can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org
Here it is. My complaints that I have had bottled up inside, and it has come to my attention that almost everyone has thought the same things as me. So, I have decided to make it public — well, TD public at least — to spread the word even more. You are my constituents, Drake, and I’m not even running for an office.
My first order of business is this thing we call Hubbell Trouble. Does making it rhyme really make it better? No, it doesn’t. One thing I have going for me is I am not a first-year, meaning I actually knew a time when Hubbell was actually BETTER! All this standing in lines crap makes me what to punch someone in the face — jokingly, of course. Why can’t we serve ourselves or have faster servers? Does it really take that long to scoop corn onto a plate? If it really comes down to it costing less because there is less waste, then I am more than welcoming to pay a little more for the food. Maybe we can move up to a 3-star Sodexo dining hall? Also, is it that surprising that people eat at noon? I think it is common sense, yet they run out of food in the first 10 minutes! Make more hamburgers or pizza; get the food out so I don’t have to wait. I have way more important things to do than stand in a line — maybe chemistry? Also why can’t I get 20 ounces to drink at North? Pop is cheap, so why can’t I get more? I go back for refills, so mathematically speaking, that is 16+16=32, and 32 > 20. One thing I have also yet to figure out is why we need two salad lines. Two sandwich lines make more sense to me. They spend more time handing people fruit than making salads.
Now, finally to the topic that this article is named for, the allergy station. I am sure everybody has tried to fake an allergy to get the “better” food. Yet, the thing we don’t think about is how long that food has been sitting out. I have friends that actually have an allergy and require food from that line, yet they still choose to find other food options. Why? Because the food is cold! There is no rotation from what is there, and we are stuck with the cost of paying for it. Ever wonder where the cereal went? The cost of the allergy station, and fear that gluten cereal will kill someone, makes it only available during breakfast. The crazy thing is that the cereal was the best tasting food there most days.
While others may find comfort in making their own Hubbell creations, I am not sorting through knives to find the sharpest one so I can cut my apple. While the concept may be grand, it doesn’t make sense to me to stand in every line to get a few ingredients to end up making my own food. I could do that without leaving my hall. Consider yourself lucky that we can still wear condoms, because unlike the latex scare of 2011, I don’t see Drake doing anything to find a cure to my allergy of discontent. Just remember to keep it classy Drake, just like at Saturday night Hubbell.