Hoe is the TD’s anonymous sex columnist. She is a student at Drake and can be reached at janehoe.drake@gmail.com
Fellas, this column is for you. This is for every time you’ve ever made me happy, sad, elated, turned on and, of course, confused out of my flippin’ mind.
This column is for every time you’ve said, “Oh, that girl is hot. I’d date her.”
This column is for every time you’ve fawned over a girl and not gone after her.
This column is for every time you’ve seen that girl at Peggy’s and not bought her a drink.
This column is to help you to figure our your non-existent love life because, damn it, I’m sick of hearing about it.
Guys, it’s time to literally man up and take charge of your love life and stop complaining about it.
If you like a girl, tell her. Don’t pine over her for countless hours while you’re sitting at Hubbell. That’s just not classy. Seize the day. Take a chance. Tell her your name. Don’t concede to unrequited love. Take the bull by the horns and just say something.
Your complaining about how she doesn’t know who you are and she’d never look at you unless you were in a house/more buff/had a pair of balls is no longer an excuse in the realm of college.
This is the time to be wild and free (as per the song lyrics). Go out of your comfort zone. Instead of standing in the corner of Peggy’s with your buds, go out front for a few moments and just take in the lay of land…or the possible lays of your land.
Guys, just talk to the ladies. Don’t be creepy about it, though. Don’t drop those lame pick-up lines. We’re not going to tell you our “sign” nor are we going to believe that we just fell from heaven. We’ve been on the world far too long to believe that we just fell from heaven.
Seem genuinely interested in what we have to say. The old saying that our eyes are not at chest level is true. Try to keep eye contact. I know that breasts are foreign objects to you, but you don’t see us staring at your crotch when we’re talking to you (unless your fly is open, then we’re totally going to look and judge you accordingly).
Add in something when we’re talking to you. I don’t like to dominate conversation, and I’m sure you don’t want to hear me talk for the entire time. So, say something. It’s not rocket science. We learned how to speak when we were young; it’s not a hard concept anymore.
This is going to be simple, but you might find it a bit hard to figure out. Just be yourself. Don’t try to be the biggest frat star or coolest dude in the world. If you’re authentic, it’s going to work toward your advantage. We can tell if you’re faking (in more than one way). It’s easier to be yourself than to be your roommate.
So, fellas, here’s the deal. This weekend, instead of looking, waiting and wishing for the girl of your dreams, why don’t you go out and try to help your situation?
I mean, the cards are in your favor, because you’ve probably noticed how many females there are on campus.
Ladies, I’m not saying that we can’t get our own dates because trust me, I do it all the time. But like I said, this is for the guys who complain about their lack of love life but don’t do anything about it.
Guys, just grow some metaphorical balls and take the plunge. You never know — you could find someone you actually like and don’t just want to have sex with.
