Bosco is a senior English and secondary education double major and can be contacted at email@example.com.
This week marks the commencement of indoor soccer. Since the end of October when the outdoor soccer leagues concluded, a ferocious appetite for some more of the sport has been building. We expect great competition this year and look forward to the thrills and shrills the games will produce. In anticipation to all those assuming a pseudo-European lifestyle for the next few weeks, I’d like to present some new and some old critically essential features of indoor soccer.
We use one court
Unlike almost every other league, indoor soccer has only one playing field. We use the full length of the Bell Center gym with goals on the east and west side walls. This results in several nights of play each week and several games each night. Our officials have been trained to close the entrance that leads to the Bell Center weight room, but in the event that a ball rockets through the door and knocks you off the treadmill, we would like to apologize in advance.
Boys and girls can play nice this year
Perhaps the most exciting new element this year is the addition of a co-rec league. After a call from an executive of Title IX services, we unanimously decided to bring the sexes together this year. Unfortunately, the female-advantage point of co-rec basketball does not apply to this league. We are, nevertheless, looking forward to the positive reactions the new league will generate. Many have also asked if we allow double entries for players — one in the co-rec league and one in the same-sex league. This is allowed, but there is a possibility that you will play on back-to-back nights or on the same night due to the amount of teams. If you can handle it, so can we.
We use walls (some of them)
Players have always been allowed to play the ball off of the east-side wall. For those who are directionally challenged, that is the far wall, parallel to the Bell Center weight room wall. This year, after some serious deliberation at one of the confidential supervisor meetings, a new playable wall will potentially be put in place for this season. The additional-wall rule survived multiple vetoes and filibusters to eventually trump the Paul Morrison court room. With an acceptance from the official administrators, we will see the playing field extend to the south-side wall. We are that much closer to a real indoor soccer arena.
Our equipment is from 400 B.C.
Other than the scoring unit we use, the only equipment indoor soccer actually requires is two goals and a ball. The goals consist of a few metal poles attached at each corner and a straggly net often kept with tape and zip ties. When the overhead bar of a goal gets alternatively used as a pull-up bar, officials can’t help but get frustrated. I am not at liberty to release the names of the perpetrators who left a permanent dent in one of the overhead bars, but it is a stark reminder that our equipment is fragile. As for the ball, we play with a Futsal ball (pronounced foot-sall for the non-Europeans). This soccer ball is harder and smaller, and we would appreciate your resistance to asking for a bigger ball or a “real” soccer ball. It is real.
We couldn’t be more excited to get the ball rolling again. Remember, red and yellow cards are both in effect for our soccer leagues, and absolutely no slide tackling is allowed. An actual golden cup is in the works for each champion this year. Once our extended intramural budget gets passed, that is the first task to complete. Get ready for some Drake-inspired futbol and prepare yourselves for one of the most exciting seasons yet.