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Breaking up for Valentine’s Day


Photo by Joey Gale, photo editor

Well, Bulldogs, I’m sure you’re wondering what salacious topic I’m going to be writing about this week. I honestly had no idea what to write about until I sat down at my computer and started typing. I’m here to answer your questions regarding sex, sexual health or really anything you’re too shy to ask your parents, friends, doctor or that guy on the street corner. But, apparently, you won’t even ask some unknown face that totally won’t judge you for your kinks.

Since I still have yet to receive any questions, I’ll have to go with the flow. This week, I’m touching on something that is always on the mind of many college-aged men and women — ending a relationship.

Relationships aren’t all sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes, they just downright suck.

Circumstances change, and the person you may have been in love with in December is no longer the person you’re in love with in February (and I’m using the term “love” very lightly here, kind of like how I “love” that guy in my class that sits two rows in front of me).

That personality trait that you found charming in the booth at Peggy’s last week can turn into your pet peeve the next.

So, how do you break it off?

There are a few ways to go about it, but sometimes, you’re just going to have to be straight up honest with your significant other.

Don’t play those stupid, “It’s not you, it’s me” games; usually it is the other person so don’t lie about it. Being direct takes a lot of guts, but it’ll be so much more worth it.

Guys, if you’re planning on breaking up with someone, just don’t stop talking to him or her. That’s not OK. That’s the biggest dick move since, well, ever. That just shows that you weren’t able to handle a relationship in the first place, and the gossip circulating will be worse than the hateful glances the other person will throw you in Hubbell (I’m talking worse then the crazy-eyed “I’m mentally throwing daggers in your chest” stare…You know what I’m talking about).

Ladies, please keep the tears to a minimum. I know I’ve shed a few tears during a break-up or two, but that made the situation worse. No man or woman wants to be the person who is sobbing uncontrollably during that situation. It’s not pretty, and the mascara stained look only looks good on Ke$ha after a night drinking with unicorns.

Crying is a natural defense, but, honey, there is nothing natural about breaking up with someone. You have to do it. You should do it fast and without looking back. I could use a metaphor comparing a break-up with a Band-Aid, but that’s too cliché for us Drake students. Instead, it’s like scrubbing the paint out of your hair after Street Painting. You’re going to have to do it right away, and fast, otherwise things are going to get messy and carry on for months after the fact.

You’re not meant for everyone. There are going to be those people who seem like an awesome partner, but guess what? In the morning, they’re going to be just like the other people you’ve dumped for whatever reason. His hair might not part the right way. She might walk like a penguin. And all I can tell you is that if you don’t want to be with that person anymore, then just break up. There is nothing worse than holding onto a relationship in fear of hurting the other person. Someone is going to get hurt no matter what. You’re going to have to suck it up and take one for the team.

Plus, being single has its benefits, and it’s called the Dublin dance floor. So, Bulldogs, break up, get down and email me your questions. You never know when your kink could be the next big thing.

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