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He Said, She Said 10/11/2010

“I love my roommate to death, but she goes out all week. I am not a drinker and it limits my social interactions with her. How can we have fun together?”
-Sober Sister

He Said

I do not think that you are alone in this sit­uation. I know of many other students who do not drink but are friends with people that do go out all week. My advice to you would be to talk to her about how often she goes out. Ask her if you two could go see a movie or check out a concert sponsored by the Student Activi­ties Board. Tell her that you want to hang out with her more than you are but do not want to partake in drinking. She should understand that you do not want to drink but are still mak­ing an effort to be social. Check out some Des Moines events with each other and explore what the city has to offer. Get some of her oth­er friends to come along, too, and check out some sober events. There are many activities going on, you just have to look!

– Michael Riebel

She Said

I can only imagine how difficult it can be to be close to someone who is so different from you when it comes to social and drinking hab­its. With someone like your friend, who goes out quite frequently, limiting your time togeth­er at nights, you may have to make an extra effort to spend time with her. Plan activities or dates ahead of time for the two of you to do things you both enjoy. If you give her a date and time in advance, it will be harder for her to back out of your plans and go out. For exam­ple, both of you write in your agenda “movie and shopping next Friday night” and then put a note on the fridge as well. The two of you could even grab dinner before she goes out at night so at least you can spend time together.

You might want to try doing things with her during the daytime, such as grabbing cof­fee or lunch. If you really want to spend time with her, one option is to go out with her but stay sober. It’s definitely possible to stay sober and still have a great time Just communicate with her that you love spending time with her and would like to more often; I’m sure she feels the same and you guys just need to make con­crete plans.

-Jen Calder

Jen and Michael can be contacted at hesaidshesaid@timesdelphic.com

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