He said, she said 10/04/2010
I just started dating my first boyfriend a month ago. I am extremely inexperienced and I feel as though he expects more physical ‘action’ than I am comfortable giving. I want to, but don’t know how. I don’t want to, but don’t know what to say or do. I’m the blatantly confused.
-Dazed and Confused
He said:
Use this inexperience to your advantage. You will be able to try out different things that you probably thought you would never be able to do. Blow him out of the water. If you are uncomfortable going further with your boyfriend, that is fine; when the moment is right, let it happen. Maybe you can talk to some of your more experienced friends, and they can give you some tips. If you impress your boyfriend with some of the new skills you learned, he will be very impressed and excited about this new step in your relationship. If all else fails and your boyfriend would rather control what is going on in the physical aspect of the relationship, let him do the work. I went to a salsa dancing activity on campus and was taught that the guy leads and the girl follows. Follow his lead and have some fun. If you feel uncomfortable about anything that is going on, make sure to communicate that to him. He wants you to be comfortable and to have an enjoyable experience.
-Michael Riebel
She said:
Congrats on your first boyfriend. Welcome to the world of dating and relationships. Many people come into college inexperienced, so you are in no way alone there. What I would recommend in your situation would be first sitting down and deciding what you want out of this relationship, and what you are ready for physically and emotionally. With any physical action, emotions are bound to follow, that’s just how humans are wired. Write it down or talk it through with a friend to find the underlying cause of it. Once you have decided what you feel you want or are ready for, you need to communicate with your boyfriend. Communication is key for every aspect of any relationship. Tell him what you feel you are ready for now and if he does not understand, he is not the guy for you. Never do something you are not ready for or do not feel comfortable doing with anyone, be it your boyfriend or a hookup. Only physically give and take what you are ready for. My advice would be to take your time because this is a fairly new relationship, so go slow and make sure he wants to really be with you, and this is not just him wanting to get into your pants. Being with someone experienced could be fun, and I’m sure you can both learn a lot from each other in many ways. He also may not be 100 percent honest with how experienced he actually is, because that’s just what some guys do, so do not think in any way because he is more sexually experienced that makes him better than you or out of your sexual league. Just breathe, take a step back and put your wants first. He will not push you into something you are not ready for if he really likes you, and if he does push, you deserve so much better than that. Good luck and know that you are the only one who can answer this question. I wish I could be more helpful but I know this will all work out for you.
-Jen Calder
Jen and Michael can be contacted at hesaidshesaid@timesdelphic.com